Illuminati celebrate election victory

BARACK Obama’s victory has brought the tyrannical New World Order a step closer, according to the Illuminati.

Obama said his pyramidal hat was simply comfortable

Just hours after his re-election, Obama was taken in a black helicopter to Illuminati headquarters where he was greeted with applause and a banner saying ‘Way to go, mind-control puppet!’

An Illuminati spokesman said: “This is a great moment for America, or as it will soon be known, Population Containment Area 2.

“With Obama back in power we can continue our secret project to enslave humanity and put Illuminati symbols in obscure places where they will only be noticed by conspiracy wingnuts.

“We’ll probably force everyone to be tattooed with a barcode too, although that’s less of an issue now that all their personal details are on Facebook.”

Obama has dismissed the Illuminati’s existence as “conspiracy theory nonsense”, saying he wanted to concentrate on real issues such as the economy, healthcare and compulsory microchips for all Americans.

He said: “My proposal to make ownership of tin foil a capital offence has nothing to do with its microwave-blocking properties. I just happen to think clingfilm keeps your sandwiches fresher.”

Democrat voter Carolyn Ryan said: “As a liberal, I’m a bit disappointed that a vote for Obama was a vote for a secret network of concentration camps to exterminate undesirable elements in society.

“Still, anything’s better than Romney. Four more years!”