Independent Scotland could be exactly the same, warn experts

INDEPENDENCE could leave Scotland exactly the same in every way, experts warned last night.

As the SNP set out its timetable for an independence referendum, the party was dealt a devastating blow after research showed separation from the UK would make absolutely no difference whatsoever.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “It will still be damp, windy and miles from everywhere.

“The Scottish people will continue to shop, drink, complain, work for the council, eat beige food and hate each other because of football, religion or some bastard hybrid of the two.

“They’ll watch the same TV programmes, mainly because they have all seen Scottish programmes and they’re not making that mistake again.

“They will also retain their baffling sense of entitlement and the government will still interfere constantly in people’s lives. The only thing that will change is that they’ll be reduced to one set of fucknuts on which to pin the blame.”

Brubaker added: “Meanwhile, the rest of the UK will also remain exactly the same, only more so.”

The Scottish National Party condemned the research as racist stereotyping and then welcomed it for proving that independence would be completely risk-free.