IF an independent Scottish army is not going to be like Braveheart then there is no point in doing it, everyone has agreed.
Military analysts said anything other than thousands of kilted, blue psychopaths running about the countryside would be very disappointing.
Bill McKay, professor of swords at Roehampton University, said: “It’ll be like a tiny version of the British Army but with second-hand tanks and an unacceptable level of bagpiping.
“If this thing is going to work it needs to be angry, semi-naked and screaming constantly.”
A Scottish government spokesman said: “We sounded-out some potential recruits in horribly working class areas.
“They all asked when theyd get their tribal cleavers and when they would be meeting their commanding officer, Mel Gibson.”
The spokesman added: “When we told them he wasn’t really William Wallace they said that was fine but they wanted to meet him anyway because he sounds ‘like a total fucking bampot’.”
Would-be soldier, Tom Logan, said: “I always imagined it would be done in a wild, mob justice style.
“I want to see red headed men beating their bare chests, screaming and tumbling in the mud, flecks of blood and spit in their ginger beards.”
He added: “If the nationalists cant make this happen, I might as well start my own militia. My mother is extremely keen.”