Sunday, 8th December 2019

Irish people in UK admit they're just making up words

IRISH residents of mainland Britain have confirmed they are making about 65 per cent of their colourful language up on the spot. 

Admitting that terms ‘it’s gas altogether’ for something funny and ‘wagon’ for a kind of super-slag are genuine, the expatriates have also been inventing others, usually while hammered.

Dubliner living in London Mary Fisher said: “It’s less fun when all the English know them, though there’s still endless amusement asking posh girls how much they like a ride of their horse.

“But this week alone I’ve told people that a ‘glugger’ is a car, a ‘land-gull’ is a horse and ‘Marlboro Reds’ are children. They don’t question it for an instant.”

Nikki Hollis, originally of Cork, said: “Brits know so little about Ireland you can tell them anything. A girl at work thinks I’m from the second biggest city, Ballybellend.

“Don’t try it around Scots, though. They’re busy making up all their own words and they’re scared we’ll blow it for everyone.”

Bill McKay of Glasgow said: “We do not do that. Weapon is an actual insult. You f**king weapon.”