Israel declares US has declared war on Iran

ISRAELI prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu has announced that the United States is at war with Iran.

Netanyahu broke the news to Congress on Tuesday, before ordering four US aircraft carriers and more than 300,000 troops to invade within a fortnight.

He said: “Just as the invasion of Iraq turned a nest of deadly terrorists into a land of peace, golf and women’s rights, war with Iran will make the whole region safe for democracy.

“I have been organising this invasion since 2012 and can no longer wait for the Americans to choose a commander-in-chief who agrees with me. So as you people like to say, ‘let’s roll’.”

President Obama said: “I had a lovely little war planned with Venezuela, which has oil but also a Caribbean coastline and spectacular waterfalls, but it’s not like it’s up to me.”