Kim wants to be Trump who wants to be Putin

KIM JONG-UN desperately wants to be Donald Trump who yearns to be Vladimir Putin, psychologists have agreed. 

The triumvirate of dictators, who obsess about each other night and day but rarely meet in person, are locked into a maelstrom of envy and loathing similar to those in secondary schools.

Psychologist Susan Traherne explained: “Kim longs to be Trump, a rich American playboy with fantastic hair and a TV audience not held at gunpoint.

“But Trump hates Kim and wishes he was Putin, a maverick hunk on horseback who rides roughshod over other nations and is all cyber.

“Meanwhile Putin wants to be Xi Jinping of China, whose rule is just as merciless but who actually has a country where antifreeze isn’t an after-dinner tipple.

“Xi wants to be Shinzo Abe, who wants to be Malcolm Turnbull, who wants to be Angela Merkel, who wants to be Justin Trudeau and so on. They’re all deeply unhappy and sometimes it feels like anything would be better.”

Traherne added: “Theresa May? No. No, nobody wants to be Theresa May.”