Sunday, 9th May 2021

Leicester man holidaying in Spain all out of f**king options

A MAN from Leicester on holiday in Spain has admitted he is all out of f**king ideas about what to do next. 

William McKay left his home city for his holiday apartment near Córdoba just before Leicester was locked down, and was due to go back at the end of the week ‘but that’s bollocksed now as well’.

He continued: “What the f**k? Where am I supposed to go?

“If I go back to my plague pit of a city then I’m doomed, though ironically I’ll be forced to self-isolate for 14 days to protect them from me.

“But if I stay here I’ll get caught up in the second wave and won’t be able to go home even if home does reopen for business, which seems unlikely.

“It’s like being in checkmate. And all the places that haven’t got spiralling R-numbers won’t welcome me because I’m from one of the bad places. Two of the bad places.

“Condemned to wander the earth forever, shunned by everyone. I wouldn’t mind but I haven’t even f**king got it.”