Living on sunlight doesn't work, say Somalians

AMERICAN Navenna Shine’s experiment with living on water and sunlight is doomed to failure, according to people in Somalia.

Somalian Ahmed Hashi said: “We recently tried the whole living without food thing, more through necessity than choice. It didn’t go so well, despite an abundance of sunlight about a quarter of a million people died.

“I’d say that concludes the matter, despite the ancecdotal evidence you may have heard about Buddhist monks.

“Although thinking about it, maybe we weren’t meditating hard enough.”

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People without tattoos labelled 'freaks' and 'attention seekers'

THE three percent of the UK population without tattoos faces discrimination in job interviews and social situations.

According to the Institute for Studies, non-tattooed people are likely to be labelled ‘freaks’, ‘perverts’ or ‘attention-seeking non conformists’.

Engineering company boss Tom Booker said: “Like everyone these days I have various bits of body art covering my arms and back.

“If someone comes to me for a job and they’re not inked in at least three places, I have to ask myself some questions.

“Do they think they’re somehow ‘special’? Are they into weird music and alternative lifestyle choices? Also, are they going to upset any potential clients who visit to see non-tattooed people in positions of responsibility?”

24-year-old Emma Bradford said: “I don’t regret not getting any tattoos but it can make it hard to fit into the mainstream. I try to cover up my arms for job interviews so that employers can’t see I don’t have pictures of cartoon animals saying ‘Fuck’ or Chinese proverbs on them.

“But if I’m asked about tattoos I have to come clean and say I don’t even have a tramp stamp.”

Bar owner Nikki Hollis said: “Would I employ someone without tats? Yes, but I’d keep them away from the general public, maybe washing up or something.”