Man ejected from easyJet flight for being wrong kind of pissed

A MAN has been ejected from an easyJet flight for being the wrong kind of pissed, it has been confirmed.

Tom Booker was escorted from the plane before take-off for being morose, belligerent and forgetful instead of boisterous, patriotic and annoying.

Being the wrong type of drunk accounts for 98 per cent of alcohol-related ejections from commercial flights.

An easyJet spokesman said: “We have a zero-tolerance policy on being pissed up in the wrong way.

“If you raise your voice on one of our flights and it’s not about how England are good at football, we reserve the right to eject you.

“Likewise, if you vomit but not in a funny way, expect to be banned.”

Consider subscribing - so we can write more funny content. .js-article{ display:none;}

How to have a really pretentious dinner party

DINNER parties are a great way to prove you’re better than your friends. But how do you pull it off?

Eccentric neighbour pop-in

Conspire a ruse to have an eccentric neighbour ‘pop-in’. Reveal afterwards that he is an eminent professor, which is true even though you also suspect he is a massive pervert.

Obscure conversation topics

Research some bollocks on the internet about history, modern culture or politics then steer the conversation towards your show-off monologue and pray to god no-one else knows about the Columbian Donkey Mezcal Festival.

Reading

Be a super-pretentious twat by following each course with a reading. A poem, song lyrics and finally a passage from an old diary when at age 14 you wrote down the deepest thought you will ever have in your life shortly after your stick insect died.

Excessive partner touching

Constantly paw and fondle your partner to make it seem like you have the perfect relationship. Do this most of the night even though an hour before everyone arrived you had a relationship-ending row about overcooking the cuttlefish croquettas.

Over-elaborate pudding

Serve an unforgettable dessert that requires you pipette hot chocolate sauce on a chocolate sphere whilst shoving mint up your nose and squeezing plum juice into your eye.

Next story ›