Mother Teresa sainthood paperwork 'a massive ball ache', says Pope

POPE Francis has filled in the lengthy forms for Mother Teresa’s ‘miracles’ to be approved by Jesus.

The Pope, who described the process as ‘a pain in the balls’, finally completed the 240-page application, complete with signed witness testimony and photographs, late last night.

He said: “When one of the cardinals said ‘Hey, let’s make Mother Teresa a saint, she was wicked holy’ I was like, why not?

“I thought I could do it online, but four hours later the printer was still churning out this gigantic bastard. And it all had to be handwritten in black ink.

“And you have to get medical evidence, proof of prayer and birth records showing that everyone involved was a Catholic.

“What the fuck?”

The Pope added: “Now I just bung the whole thing up the chimney, like a letter to Santa, and see what happens next.”

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Look at this photo and be grateful, you scum, Britain told

BRITAIN has been ordered to look at this delightful photograph and thank the Royal Family for existing.

The photo shows the most perfect people ever created, reminding Britain’s lower and middle classes that they live in the greatest country in history.

A Buckingham Palace spokesman said: “You don’t deserve it, you wretched turds, but here it is anyway.

“Bathe in the golden glow of its perfection.”

The spokesman added: “Look at their smiles and their clothes and remember that they deserve it and you don’t because of your inferior genetic material.

“And if you even think about having a revolution, just remember the faces of these children – the greatest children in the history of the world.

“You may now return to your menial labour.”