'Motherf**ker' and other American swear words British people can't get away with

BRITAIN leads the world in swearing, until British people attempt to say things that Americans would call ‘cuss words’. Like these:


Given that we in the UK already have the vastly superior phrase ‘arsehole’, there’s really no need to be pronouncing the word ‘ass’ at all. If you do decide to demean yourself, bear in mind that you don’t sound like Bruce Willis in Die Hard, you sound like a bellend who says ‘gotten’ to give the impression you spend half your time in LA.


Excessive use of this most colourful of swear words works very well if you’re Samuel L Jackson threatening Tim Roth with a gun in Pulp Fiction, but just sounds pathetic if you’re a pissed up estate agent arguing with a bouncer outside a club in Swansea. Just call him a wanker, it’ll sound better.


In use in America since the 60s but Brits don’t seem bothered about douching their vaginas, or keep quiet about it. However ‘douchebag’ made the leap to the UK in the late 90s thanks to films like American Pie. It never sounds right coming out of a British mouth, and it would have been better if they’d kept it, along with their shit film and its endless godawful sequels.


Just like your granny, there are some Americans who don’t like swearing and aren’t prepared to utter anything worse than ‘darn’. The British equivalent is ‘damn’ which is short for ‘damnation’ and means condemnation to eternal punishment in hell rather than mending socks. Even our most pathetic swearwords are infinitely superior to theirs.


Whether used to convey the fact that you think someone is weak or a pathetic way to refer to a woman’s genitalia, British people really can’t pull this off. Anyway, we have the word ‘twat’ which is one of the best swear words of all time, and which Americans find impossible to pronounce correctly for some reason. It’s not ‘twot’, you damn arsehole wankers.

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