NSA doesn't bother monitoring Bing

AMERICA’S National Security Agency has confirmed that its near-omniscient web surveillance doesn’t include search engine Bing. 

The Microsoft service is currently used by a relatively small number of elderly people who like to imagine there’s a real person on the other end.

An NSA spokesman said: “We monitored Bing for a bit, all we got was pie recipes, endless requests for the weather and entire emails typed erroneously into the search box.

“It was more annoying than useful.”

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Loads of kids on Facebook apparently ready for school

A WHOLE bunch of kids that you don’t know on Facebook are wearing school uniform.

They are probably about to go to school.

The children, aged between maybe about four and could be 16, are most likely to be the offspring of former workmates or possibly college friends not that anyone apart from their parents cares.

Retail manager Donna Sheridan said: “I can’t go on there without seeing hundreds of dead-eyed kids in oversized uniforms, standing there like the twins in The Shining.”