Obama Shuts Down 'Grey's Anatomy'

PRESIDENT Barack Obama yesterday fulfilled a key campaign promise by announcing the closure of Grey's Anatomy.

Signing the executive orders, Mr Obama said the 'pathetic and embarrassing hospital drama' had 'damaged America's reputation across the world and made its citizens less safe'.
Human rights group Amnesty International welcomed the announcement claiming the programme was a 'symbol of injustice and abuse' and a 'legal and moral disgrace'.

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said: "For the last five years Americans have asked how a nation which created The West Wing, The Sopranos and Dallas, could have allowed this to happen.

"Grey's Anatomy has not only strengthened the resolve of our enemies but helped to create new enemies.

"In the villages of Pakistan and the camps of the Gaza Strip young men are being shown that episode where the simpering cow looks longingly at Patrick Dempsey before launching into a monologue about how in life you don't always get what you want, while Chris Martin sings 'I will try to fix you'.

"Young muslim men come away from that experience determined to kill as many Americans as possible."

Obama has also promised to abolish the practice of 'Katherine Heigl-boarding' where terror suspects are strapped to a plank and forced to watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy where Heigl tells the small gay actor that 'maybe it just wasn't meant to be' for the 14,000th time.

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Daily alcohol limits not really working for us, say drinkers

RECOMMENDED daily limits on alcohol are really not doing it for us, drinkers have confirmed.

Alcohol enthusiasts across the UK stressed that while the limit may sound reasonable, it is obviously not going to get you sufficiently trousered.

They are now calling on the government to rethink its guidelines or better still, just leave them alone.

Tom Logan, a trainee solicitor from Northampton, said: “They may have confused a safe daily limit with what I like to call ‘lunch’.”

“I manage to do this without bothering anyone else. The worst that happens is an occasional tendency to fall asleep and urinate all over the sofa, but – and I’m sure we’re all agreed – that’s my problem.”

Emma Bishop, a marketing executive from Twickenham, added: “How’s about this? As an adult, I think a reasonable daily limit is me drinking as much as I fucking want.

“If it affects my work I’ll get sacked. If it affects my relationships I’ll be all lonely and sad.

“And following a quick glance at my tax bill I’ve decided the NHS will treat me and the government can keep its fucking opinions to itself.”