Scotland secretly in love with England

THE people of Scotland have admitted to the secret love they have for the English.

After their rugby team handed England the Six Nations trophy as a token of their affection, the nation said they could hide their feelings no longer.

Scottish person Tom Logan said: “We have wars with them, we beat them up in Edinburgh pubs, but it’s all just a front for how much we adore them south of the border.

“The way they drink their tea, their delicate womanly frames, all the cricket – we’ve been deeply smitten for hundreds of years but have been too scared to express ourselves.”

As Tim Visser scored Scotland’s third try against France, touchline cameras picked up that he mouthed the words “This is for you, Buckinghamshire”.

The team later celebrated the win in the changing room by loudly singing ‘Doing The Lambeth Walk’.

Logan added: “This is why we get upset when they make the joke about Andy Murray being Scottish when he loses – we just wish he was as dreamy as Tim Henman.”

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32-year-old admits she doesn't understand GIFs

A 32-YEAR-OLD woman has confessed to close friends that she is completely GIF-illiterate. 

Data manager Carolyn Ryan says that when she is sent a short GIF of Taylor Swift waving her arms at the Grammys in response to a Facebook comment, she has absolutely no idea what it means.

Ryan said: “The first time I received a moving image of Rihanna at a basketball game that appeared to have no relevance to anything, I was baffled.

“But when I asked if anyone knew what it was about and they all found it hilarious, I pretended I did too.

“For a while I could still follow things by picking up context from occasional emojis, but now the majority of conversations are all-GIF.

“I missed my own hen night last week because the meeting place was changed, which I was meant to get from GIFs of Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls and Leonardo DiCaprio looking disappointed.

“Please help me. I’m lost in a silent, jerky, endlessly-repeating world I don’t understand.”

Ryan’s friend Eleanor Shaw said: “She can’t read? All this time and she can’t read?

“I’ve sent her the Tyra Banks GIF. It’s the only way I can explain how I feel.”