POLITICIANS in Syria have sobbingly asked William Hague if he can just give them a second chance.
After Hague shook his head slowly and asked what on earth they thought they were playing at, Syrian armed forces were seen to hide bloodied anti-government protestors behind their back and sheepishly insist they were only messing about.
President Assad told Hague “We’re really, really, really sorry and we promise we’ll clean up all the mess and buy all the widows a nice bunch of flowers and everything. We’ll be a good violent autocracy from now on, we cross our heart.
“It’s all Iran’s fault, they started it. They were all like ‘Go on, suppress free speech and kill innocent civilians, it’ll be well funny’ and we just got carried away.”
Hague’s disapproval for all of Syria’s carrying-on started after he was called in to the UN’s office by Ban Ki-moon because of their behaviour. Moon said that if their Human Rights marks didn’t improve soon, they may have to look at suspension from the UN for two weeks.
Moon said “We have a strict anti-bullying policy at the UN so we can’t have them calling their pro-democracy protestors hurtful names or firing at them with tanks. And yes, we’re looking at you, Yemen, don’t think we’ve forgotten about you.”
The Foreign Secretary has warned Syria that he will still consider asking all the other countries to stop their pocket money by imposing sanctions and reminded them that he was a very busy man and didn’t have time to be dealing with their nonsense every five minutes.
Hague added “I’m more hurt than angry as I feel Syria have let themselves down more than anyone else. Somebody was due to get a nice, big arms deal as a treat but now I think we’ll just see if that nice Israel wants it instead.”