This Russia thing completely separate from other Russia thing, says White House

THE White House has clarified that the new scandal about Russia is completely unconnected with its previous, different, Russian scandal. 

Spokesman Sean Spicer have warned reporters against linking Trump’s supplying of classified information to Russia with Russia’s interference in the US election, stating the two ‘could not be less alike’. 

He continued: “Honestly, these two Russia scandals are essentially opposites – one is disinformation coming in, the other is valuable information going out. That they are getting lumped together is a sad commentary on American journalism today. 

“Not only is it lazy, it betrays a lack of trust. You don’t think this administration can handle two scandals concurrently? 

“From now on they’re named Russiagate Alpha and Russiagate One.

“See? Not even the same naming system. That’s how different they are.” 

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Stressful deadlines 'completely made up', admit bosses

BOSSES have confessed that the nightmare deadlines they set for staff are made up entirely at random.

Roy Hobbs, a senior manager from Leeds said: “I’ve delegated all of my actual work so if I don’t spend time setting needless deadlines for my team to meet, I have nothing to do.

“Sometimes the deadlines are for work that could be completed at a sensible pace, but most of the time it’s work that simply does not need to be done at all.”

He added: “Sometimes it’s a case of me fucking with people just because I can.”

Stephen Malley, the managing director of a recruitment firm said: “Earlier in my career, I ran around chasing projects and delivering reports for my boss and it made me the hypertensive, bald divorcee I am today.

“I feel it’s only right to pass that opportunity for personal development on to the next generation.

“Plus I always enjoy taking the team for a Nando’s when they think they’ve achieved something.”