Labour given 500,000-vote head start to make this vaguely interesting

THE Labour party will receive a head start in the election to try and inject a bit of tension, it has emerged.

Jeremy Corbyn and Theresa May agreed that Labour could have half a million ‘starter votes’ in recognition of the country’s increasing desperation to care about all this.

Political analyst Eleanor Shaw said: “Everyone agreed this election was about as exciting as reading a lengthy Agatha Christie book when you’ve already seen the film and know the gardener did it.

“A bunch of bonus votes should make Labour feel a bit more involved. It’s like the handicap system in golf, but for democracy.”

Voter Roy Hobbs said: “This was looking more predictable than a Marvel superhero film, but now it’s like there’s everything to play for. It could go either way.

“But with Labour unveiling bold, exciting policies like nationalising the water industry, it probably won’t.”