Trump threatens Iran and promotes Budweiser in single tweet

DONALD Trump has used his Twitter account to threaten a nuclear first strike on Iran and to promote the rich, smooth taste of Bud Ice. 

A 3.20am tweet from the president-elect read: “New Iran deal under Trump is drop ‘Islamic’ government or nuclear weapons targeted on Tehran! 5.5% ABV Bud Ice is cool and refreshing!”

Political analyst Joseph Turner said: “The threat of a nuclear first strike is an unprecedented seismic shock to international relations, leaving the world teetering on the brink.

“The recommendation of Bud Ice beer is also unprecedented, but in a much more tawdry and vulgar way.

“Either way, whether you once had respect for the office of the presidency or merely do not want to die, these next four years will be tough.”

Trump’s next public appearance is scheduled for Sunday, when he will announce import tariffs that will destabilise the global economy while selling ties on the Home Shopping Network.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Everyone moaning about snow whether they’ve had any or not

HEAVY snow or hardly any snow are both a great excuses for a massive whine, the UK population has confirmed.

While those who experienced significant snowfall complained bitterly that it stopped them from leaving the house, those who had little complained bitterly about being able to leave the house.

Retiree Norman Steele of Dundee said: “The roads are closed, the schools are closed, and even though I’m not using either I’m still outraged.

“Why can’t this bloody country have an enormous, dedicated infrastructure ready for the five days a year it snows? I blame the EU.”

But Emma Bradford of Gloucester said: “Half an inch? What good is that on Instagram?

“You can’t build a snowman, you can hardly throw a snowball, and most importantly I’m going to have to go to work as if it was any normal day when I’d decided last night I wouldn’t.”

Meteorologist Dr Helen Archer said: “Snow breeds a particular anger and disappointment in British people.

“Actually, it’s just the usual kind, but it looks so pure and white.”