THE UK has stopped aggressively telling non-nationals to f**k off out of it and has started aggressively demanding they come back.
With a shortages of cheap foreign labour posing a threat to things British people like, such as driving cars and Christmas, the government has ordered at least 500,000 non-citizens to return immediately.
Home secretary Priti Patel said: “You were told in no uncertain terms to naff off back to whichever horrible foreign country you came from, and you complied. Good. Now we need you back because no-one here wants to kill chickens.
“They also don’t enjoy picking vegetables, driving HGVs or caring for the elderly because of the hostile environment, shit wages and open loathing of anyone who earns less than £40k a year and didn’t go to a school we’ve heard of.
“We are temporarily in need of you so get back here, do the work and we’re kicking you out on Christmas Eve. Which is better than you filthy mongrels deserve.”
Slovakian HGV driver Miroslav Varga said: “You think I’m delivering your pigs-in-blankets in return for crapping in laybys and wages that are the arse bollocks? Hmm, let me think.”