THE US Senate has decide that its existing gun laws are functioning well except for the odd murder spree.
Senators blocked a plan for background checks on people purchasing guns, claiming that weapons buyers only went on deadly rampages very infrequently.
Pro-gun senator Tom Logan said: “If you look at all the people who buy weapons in American every year, the percentage that then goes into a school or restaurant and indiscriminately opens fire is really very small.
“Certainly it’s not large enough that we need the extra bureaucracy of checking whether someone’s seriously mentally ill before handing them a rifle and as many bullets as they fancy.
“I mean, if you had a pie chart called ‘What American people who buy guns do with them’ the segment labelled ‘Murders’ would be almost invisible.
“Certainly small enough that if it were a slice of pizza it would not satisfy as a main meal.”
Logan then added some standard general bullshit about freedom, which a lot of people in America seem to lap up.
Plans for a ban on assault weapons had already been removed from the gun-control bill, because simply wanting to own an assault rifle means that you must be a sane and balanced individual.