US sitcoms record baffling Thanksgiving episodes

SPECIAL Thanksgiving episodes of sitcoms which will confuse British audiences in six months’ time are now being shown in America.

The episodes, which will include references to cornucopias and pilgrims that we just don’t get, are due to be broadcast in the UK next April, four weeks before May’s Christmas episode.

Joanna Kramer of Warrington said: “I get that everyone flies home for a big turkey dinner with their parents, and apparently there’s a parade. Okay.

“But this one Everybody Loves Raymond I saw seemed to imply that it’s all about thanking Native Americans for sharing their country.

“But surely you killed them all?

“Whatever next? Thanking the slaves for their kind help picking the cotton?”

The Thanksgiving episodes will compound their incomprehensibility by going on about American football, the only sport so boring they stick dancing girls on the side to stop viewers changing channel.

American Tom Logan said: “Thanksgiving? Everyone gets together with their families, eats dry turkey, nurses silent resentments and tells dad actually that is racist and has been for 20 years.

“Essentially it’s just like your Christmas. But without presents.”

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All laws suspended to promote shopping frenzy

‘BLACK Friday’ shoppers have been told it is fine to maim anyone getting in their way.

With high street shops slashing prices by up to 70%, David Cameron announced that consumers can “do whatever it takes” to get the bargains.

He said: “Today the only law is the law of the jungle. Look around your home – is there something you can use for a weapon? Stay alert. What appears to be a shop window dummy could be a rival shopper with a claw hammer.

“Let Black Friday begin!”

Shopper Emma Bradford said: “I wanted one of those electronic Furbys that gets pregnant. When I finally made it to the Furby aisle there was another mum carrying off the last one.

“I smiled apologetically then kneed her in the face, followed with a couple of kicks to ensure she stayed down. Who’s got the Furby now, bitch?

“Next on the list is toiletries but that department seems to be on fire.”