27-year-old man man unveils utterly tragic shopping basket

A 27-year-old man has unveiled a shopping basket described by witnesses as an ‘epic tragedy’.

Tom Logan, from Peterborough, presented the basket at his Sainsbury’s Local to murmurs of sympathy, disgust and abject despair from fellow shoppers, the cashier and a security guard.

Logan’s basket contained a cheese and tomato Pot Noodle, a box of Mini Milks, some AAA batteries, a Daily Express and a bottle of cheap gin.

Fellow shopper, Eleanor Shaw, said: “Gandhi once said that the shopping basket is a window to the soul, but even Gandhi would have told this guy to get a fucking grip.

“I would have offered to buy him some fruits and vegetables, but he doesn’t deserve them.”

Logan said: “Perhaps you would all like to fuck off?

“I bought the Pot Noodle because my pregnant wife is craving it, I bought the Daily Express because my mum likes reading it and I bought the gin so that I can cope with both my pregnant wife and my racist mother.

“Actually, I made that all up. My life is deeply shoddy and this basket is the proof. But you can all still fuck off.”