Anyone referring to ‘smarts’ can f**k right off

PEOPLE who say they or anyone else has “got their smarts” should fuck off, everyone has decided.

Britons feel the Americanism that just means ‘to be intelligent’ is so annoying anyone using it should be made to stop with extreme verbal abuse.

Teacher Emma Bradford said: “Just seeing some fucker refer to ‘smarts’ on a website makes me want to smash my computer and the desk it’s sitting on for good measure.

“But hearing someone say it out loud causes a powerful urge to slap them repeatedly while shouting ‘STOP SAYING THAT NONSENSE, YOU ARSE!’. And that would be entirely reasonable.

“You’d actually be doing them a favour because it might prevent them becoming a vacant, trend-following cretin who thinks it’s cool to say ‘pants’ instead of ‘trousers’.”

Office worker Martin Bishop said: “I hate it most when someone says an actor has ‘got smarts’, as if deciding to appear in a mega-successful Jurassic Park movie was a really shrewd decision.

“Actually, no, I hate it more when people say ‘street smarts’. That implies they’re not only a trendy idiot but also the sort of prick who thinks they’re ‘streetwise’.”