Are you competitive? Try to resist taking this f**king test then

DO you constantly pit yourself against everyone else? Do you have to win at everything, even an online quiz devised specifically to mock you? Find out below: 

Is competing about winning or taking part?

A) It’s about participating in an interesting activity and having a fun experience, either by yourself or with others.

B) Winning. Only winning. Those who take part and do not win have lost, which is unthinkable.

Would you be doing this if there were no winners or losers?

A) Of course. There doesn’t always have to be winners and losers, and who would brag about getting the right answers in an online quiz?

B) What would be the f**king point? Well, actually, yes I would. But I’d find a way to declare myself the winner. How do I share this result to Facebook?

If you had to abandon this test halfway through would you move on, or be eager to get back and finish it?

A) It would be nice to finish, but I wouldn’t lose sleep if I didn’t.

B) Why would you leave? You forfeit the game. You lose. Read the rules. And if there aren’t any rules, write some – including losing by forfeiting the game – then read those rules and understand you lost, and I won.

Are you content to admit others can just be better at a quiz than you are? 

A) Yes. If you had fun then what’s the problem?

B) I don’t understand what you mean. If you don’t win do it again, but harder, faster. Be better, never give up. Ask me one about FA Cup winners.

Would you allow a child to beat you at something so they could experience victory?

A) Yes, of course. It’s a part of normal interaction with a child to allow them to win.

B) What child would see that as a win? They’d know you slacked-off and hate you for not giving 100 per cent. What would that teach a child about survival in the big world, or Call Of Duty?


Mostly As: Even though you’re not very competitive you enjoyed the experience and to you that’s what counts. Please take home this participation trophy.

Mostly Bs: Even though you didn’t enjoy a single minute of this quiz and doubted the validity of every question, you have reinforced what you already knew about yourself. Please take home this participation trophy.

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Mother who found vibrator in daughter's room has a little go

A MOTHER who discovered a sex toy in her daughter’s room could not resist turning it on just to see how it worked, she has admitted. 

Carolyn Ryan, aged 41 and a mother-of-two, was tidying her teenage daughter’s bedroom when she discovered the large pink vibrator hidden at the very back of her knicker drawer.

She said: “I wasn’t snooping. I was just seeing what was in there in case there were any tired pairs where the elastic’s gone that needed throwing out.

“You could tell it hadn’t seen the right end of a flannel in a while, so I gave it a quick scrub and a rinse for her, because you’ve got to be careful with your feminine hygiene and we’re prone to cystitis in our family, and that ending up setting it off. 

“And well, I like to keep in touch with what the young people are into, and it’s quite different to mine, so I thought I’d find out for myself what she gets out of it. And I can see what piqued Lucy’s interest.

“It’s a definite upgrade on her electric toothbrush! I said that to her and she overreacted, which is typical. Everything’s the end of the world at that age.”

Lucy Ryan said: “Burn it down. Not the vibrator. Burn the whole house down.”