Are you weird enough to be a 'tradwife'?

BEING a 1950s-style housewife is the latest craze amongst slightly strange women. But do you have what it takes to be a ‘tradwife’? Find out with our quiz.

Your husband comes home exhausted after a long day at work. Do you:

A) Feign a bit of sympathy. You’ve had a knackering day yourself and he’s not exactly giving out foot rubs.

B) Have a piping hot meal ready and waiting for him, with an old fashioned on standby to wash it down. He’s been at the office after all, while you’ve had a delightful day of cooking, cleaning and looking after screaming kids.

One of your female friends tells you they’re getting a divorce. Do you:

A) Reassure her she’ll be okay and offer to help in any way that you can.

B) Look at her with a sneer of disgust and never speak to her again. She’s damaged your reputation by association, the harlot.

It’s time to redecorate the kitchen. Do you:

A) Flick through the Guardian weekend supplement then just paint everything cream because you’ve got a few tins left over from when you did the bathroom.

B) Swap out all of your modern gadgets for white goods that predate the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Someone points out that the tradwife movement has alt right connections. Do you:

A) Agree, recalling that this sort of lifestyle was promoted by the Third Reich.

B) Say you don’t understand politics and it’s better to let your husband tell you what to think about this sort of thing.

A woman’s place is…

A) Wherever she wants to be.

B) Wherever she wants to be, but preferably in a house her husband owns, with a white picket fence and a Triumph Herald in the driveway.

Mostly As: Sorry, looks like you’ve been brainwashed by modern society and its progressive ideas. Start reading Woman’s Realm and take an unhealthy interest in jam-making.

Mostly Bs: Congratulations, you’ve got the skewed worldview necessary for being a tradwife. Now stop doing online quizzes and get back to the kitchen.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

How to pretend you're a good listener while thinking about something else

DO YOU want people to think you’re understanding and sensitive even though you tuned out during the first sentence? Try these tips: 

Maintain eye contact, but not in a psychopathic way

Looking someone in the eye demonstrates you’re paying attention to them, even if you’re secretly wondering if the duck on The Masked Singer is actually Pope Francis. However, if you stare too intently they’ll worry that you’re planning to skin and wear them.

Don’t look at your phone

Checking your phone whilst someone is pouring out their heart and soul is definitely rude. However, if they go into a particularly intense bout of sobbing and you hug them, you’ve probably got a good 30 seconds to check Twitter over their shoulder without them noticing.

Make encouraging noises

When you notice a natural gap in their excruciatingly dull monologue, fill it with something short and generic like ‘I can’t believe you had to go through that.’ That should be all it takes to spur them on to a further 40 minutes while you daydream about the hot person on your commute.

Leave your own problems out of it

Other people’s problems are agonisingly dull whereas your own are fascinating. However, comparing their dad’s serious illness to your car needing a new clutch is insensitive. Keep quiet about your own worries and they’ll think you’re the most wonderful, caring person.

Pretend you aren’t judging them even though you definitely are

If someone tells you something so terrible or weird about themselves that you can’t help but start listening, don’t say anything judgemental. Wait until they’re out of the room and then text a mutual friend immediately with all the gossip.