WHILE you sit around eating Hob-Nobs, one hard-working Welsh couple have just won £1 million on the lottery for the second time. Here’s how you can be more like them:
Select the winning numbers on two separate occasions
The most obvious method, but by no means easy. Winning a lottery jackpot is dependent on selecting random numbers ahead of a randomised draw. The odds of doing this twice are 24-trillion-to-one, so concentrate on winning £1m first and cross the bridge of your second win when you come to it.
Cheat
Bend the odds in your favour with a little help. Try infiltrating the Lotto HQ, rigging a machine that’s purposefully designed to stop that happening, and either befriend or blackmail regulators to turn a blind eye. Not easy, but a lot less f**king impossible than winning the lottery twice like those bastards.
Be a lucky jammy f**ker
Possessing inherent good fortune will greatly benefit you on your mission. Do you regularly escape unscathed from air crashes or find wads of banknotes in the street? Then you may qualify, but more likely will already have a cushy career, beautiful partner and massive house without putting in any effort so do not need another £1m, like those Welsh twats didn’t.
Buy all the lottery tickets
To improve your odds of possessing a winning ticket, purchase them all. This will require a massive financial investment initially, but the rewards will more than cover your outlay unless none of your tickets have the necessary numbers on them which is a statistical likelihood. Still, you’ve got to lose millions to make millions.
Make a deal with the devil
If all else has failed, there’s always a Faustian bargain. Summoning Satan with a blood sacrifice is an old-fashioned way to achieve your goals, but a nonetheless effective one. Yes, you will have to sell your soul, but that’s just small print. You’ll have £2 million, so who cares? This is without any doubt how that couple won.
