BRITAIN’S main agricultural crop is now yurts, tipis, gypsy caravans and shepherd’s huts.
The crop, which pays large dividends from middle-class families who like the outdoors but would never sink so low as to sleep in tents, now covers 68 per cent of British arable land.
A Department of Agriculture spokesman said: “We wanted to find out how long we could survive on home-grown food in the event of a no-deal Brexit. Turns out until a week Wednesday.
“But we’ve got a healthy surplus of accommodation slapped into the middle of a field that’s wooden, vaguely Scandinavian and costs a fortune.
“The UK’s farms are now in the business of milking families stringing up fairy lights and shooing kids called Chloe and Noah to plywood shower blocks with mini tubes of toothpaste from their BA in-flight travel kits.
“The chief harvest is in summer, for the weddings, but there can be great yields even in winter from aspirational Guardian-readers promised a real wood fire.”