SECRETLY slagging people off is in fact a hobby and not a toxic behaviour, women have asserted.
They feel that privately exchanging snide, withering comments about family members and mutual friends is actually a wholesome feminine pastime like needlepoint or flower arranging, and does not deserve its bad reputation.
Woman Donna Sheridan said: “Don’t listen to what that cow with a face like a slapped arse in accounts says. I bitch in my spare time as well, which means it’s a bona fide hobby.
“When I’m not bitching about my best friend’s wedding dress I’m bitching about my mother-in-law’s driving or my husband’s underwhelming sexual performance. I’ve easily clocked up over 10,000 hours which means I’m an expert bitcher, so I know what I’m talking about.
“And unlike other hobbies you don’t need expensive gear to bitch – just having cutting opinions and the ability to form sentences. No wonder bitching is the number one hobby among women around the world.”
Ellie Shaw from Dumfries said: “Trying to shame bitching is yet another example of patriarchal oppression. If men weren’t so insecure about saying their mate’s hair looked shit behind their back they’d see for themselves how fun it is.
“Similarly, getting mad at boyfriends for glancing at their phones when we spend all day glued to ours is a hobby too. And if you don’t believe us you’re part of the problem.”