Bristol woman trapped with undercut

A WOMAN in Bristol is unable to get rid of her partially shaved haircut, it has emerged.

Stokes Croft resident Nikki Hollis has been held hostage by her statement undercut for two years, with no idea how to grow it out.

She said: “I didn’t even think it looked that good, I just thought it would be a way to stand out in Bristol’s thriving bohemian milieu. But everybody’s bloody got one.

“In the winter my head feels too cold, and in the summer I can’t even tie the rest of my hair back without it looking like I’m in the Hare Krishnas.

“It’s a comb over. I’ve voluntarily given myself a comb over.”

Friend and fellow undercut victim Susan Traherne said: “I’ve been trying to grow mine out for six years. You give it a couple months then it starts to look tatty, so you get it shaved back in and you’re back to square one. It’s like trying to escape quicksand or solve a Chinese finger trap.”

Hollis added: “I knew I should never have cut off my twelve foot long dreadlocks.”

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Cab driver knows you'll be tweeting his weird Brexit opinion as soon as you get out of the car

A CAB driver knows full well you will be tweeting his bizarre opinion on Brexit within minutes of getting out of his cab.

Norman Steele told fellow cab drivers that ‘student-looking type’ Mary Fisher would tweet his mad thoughts as he was full aware that what he had said was ‘strange at best.’

Steele said, “I said to her that I think it’s wrong that the Malaysians have so much of a say over our fishing laws. What with Brexit and all.

“Then she stared at me blankly before muttering something about not being sure that that was how it worked.

“She then shook her head and smiled to herself.”

Mary Fisher, who is actually a marketing consultant, tweeted: “Cab driver’s opinion on Brexit. Blame the bloody Malaysians.”

Steele added: “I didn’t say ‘bloody’ but I get what she means.”