Britain's fannies excited to go full Chewbacca for winter

THE UK’s female pubic regions are looking forward to going the full Chewbacca for the coming winter months, their owners have confirmed. 

Women across the UK plan to treat their lady gardens to three-to-five months of being left the hell alone to grow as wild and woolly as they wish.

Nikki Hollis said: “No more waxing, plucking, depilating, or shaving. My pussy’s growing as luxuriantly as a hermit’s beard.

“Wookie winter, I’m calling it. Doesn’t mean sex is off the table but be prepared for a 70s flashback when you’re down there.”

Eleanor Shaw agreed: “For some reason for the rest of the year my pudenda has a kind of weird Hitler moustache look, to go with the thongs I never wear, so the turn of the season is a huge relief for me.

“Now I can take my true form: Bigfoot in granny pants.”

Women also planned to take a break from tending their legs and even underarms while the temperature drops, although the country’s lady ‘taches expect, unfairly, to see no change.

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Husband's social life entirely outsourced to wife

A MAN has handed over complete control of his social life to his wife, she has complained. 

Tom Booker got married five years ago and since then has let any friendships that his wife does not actively maintain for him wither and die, seemingly without regret.

Wife Kerry Booker said: “He used to see his uni friends, his football friends, his work friends, all of them. But now he just comes home from the office every night and sits there. Every night.

“I say things like, ‘How’s Joe these days?’ and he’ll say, ‘I’ve got no idea. I think maybe he got divorced?’

“Last month he went for a drink with Jack, but only because me and Jack’s wife organised it and forced them out of the house with emotional blackmail like ‘He was your best man’ and ‘He’s lost his job, maybe you should see if he’s okay?’

“Even then he was home by half-ten. I don’t care about him avoiding social isolation as he gets older. I just want a night to myself so I can watch a crap box set on Netflix.”

Tom said: “I didn’t think you still had to bother with your mates after marriage. What’s the point of getting married then?”