MEN enjoy going to manly shops like Screwfix and the butchers. They will only enter these five establishments if they are dragged into them against their will.
Bubble tea cafes
Men do not know what bubble tea is, and they do not intend to find out. And why splash out on a mysterious trendy drink that costs a fortune when they could make a proper brew at home? The little waving cat figurines in the window are tempting… but no. For the sake of their masculinity they must resist setting foot through the door.
Lush
Everything about Lush, from the staff to the smells, is man repellent. It’s where wives duck into for a ten minute break from their husbands while they leave them to browse the DVDs in CEX. At a push, a man might venture in once a year to pick up a last-minute Christmas gift, but it’s an ordeal they would rather do without, like going to the dentist.
Superdrug
Men go to Boots if they want to purchase Lynx body sprays and overpriced disposable razors. Meanwhile Superdrug, with its feminine branding and associated hygiene products, is something of an unknown quantity. Men don’t even register it on the high street. When they look at Superdrug they see a strange haze, then their gaze drifts off to something reassuringly familiar like a fishing tackle shop.
Anthropologie
Just as poisonous frogs warn off predators with their brightly coloured skin, Anthropologie keeps men at bay with its designer shabby chic clothing and vaguely world-inspired home furnishings. Not that it needs to, because men take one look at the price tag on a scented candle in the window and involuntarily yelp ‘F**k that!’.
Russell & Bromley
There’s a men’s section in Russell & Bromley, but it’s a token gesture. Blokes are often dropped off there like kids at a ball pit while their wives spend hours deliberating over identical pairs of flats, even though the more respectful thing to do would be to bar them entry. The men don’t want to be there. Their partners and staff don’t want them to be there. Everyone should drop the charade.
