Friday, 29th May 2020

Can we go on holiday? and four other Guardian reader concerns

WORRIED your pampered liberal lifestyle won’t survive the pandemic? What are the questions sending your anxiety through the roof? 

Will there be a third series of Fleabag?

There has never been and will never be anything as wonderful as Fleabag. So transgressive, the pretty posh girl. But if Phoebe brings it back, will it be as good? Could it be ruined? Could you gain social capital by saying it’s ruined before anyone else?

Is PPE eco-friendly?

PPE looks after NHS workers and saves lives, however it’s single-use by design and sheds microplastics found in eels’ stomachs. But even though it’s on the Guardian blacklist, unless you’ve discovered a holistic cure for the coronavirus, it’s the lesser evil.

Should I start a lockdown podcast?

Absolutely not. Nobody will listen, nobody will go on it, and you’ll bore yourself droning on about how you struggled to find harissa spice mix in Marks & Spencer.

Are face masks fast fashion?

They might not be on the catwalk, but face masks are set to be the signature look of 2020. Rather using frontline medical supplies, upcycle your own out of a North Face cagoule to achieve that self-righteous, metropolitan elite glow.

Can I go on holiday abroad?

What do you think? The whole planet’s diseased right now so your tour of the Alsace wine region will have to wait. The smug middle-class thing to do instead is discover wonderful countryside just a few miles from home, gosh. Check out my Instagram.