Sunday, 27th September 2020

Cars driving painfully slowly behind to admire his skills, cyclist believes

A CYCLIST believes he is the envy of drivers who cannot stop looking at him after seeing the long snake of traffic that has formed behind his bicycle.

Martin Bishop, 46, is on a countryside cycle ride in order to avoid his family for the day and has noticed that drivers are giving him intense, passionate stares.

Bishop said: “It’s a pretty cool feeling to be the envy of a whole A-road. They probably like my stylish water bottle.

“Or maybe they’re wondering where I purchased my shorts, which are both sweat-wicking and padded for maximum buttock comfort.

“Whenever I go out on my bike, cars queue up behind me to watch how I tackle hills. Sometimes they shout compliments when they finally pass me. I can’t tell what they’re saying, but their faces look so animated.”

Driver Emma Bradford said: “Why do we have to hold up our journey because he’s decided his hobby is crushing his balls against a saddle every weekend?

“And why did he smile and wave when I beeped at him? He seems like even more of a bellend now.”