Council house covered in Christmas lights daring you to say something

A COUNCIL house absolutely festooned in flashing Christmas decorations is goading passers-by into voicing prejudiced thoughts. 

The house, which still has a council door, is estimated to be covered in around £11,000 of lighting with viewers biting their tongues and looking away quickly when they see the smiling, waving householder.

Occupant Wayne Hayes said: “Yeah, it’s pure provocation. Come and have a f**king word if you don’t like it.

“I know everyone round here thinks we’re spending all their taxes on booze and fags, so this is a massive festive two finger to the lot of them.

“I can hear the whispering from the Audis from here. I love it. I’m outside with a Lambert & Butler and a can of Strongbow Dark Fruits. Say something to my face.

“We’re lit up like a cruise ship in harbour. You should see our electric bills. Come on, wonder out loud how we pay them, I dare you.”

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87 percent of Tory voters admit they would gladly vote for Mussolini

ALMOST 90 percent of Conservative voters would happily vote for Benito Mussolini if he was a Tory and still alive.

The Institute for Studies found that Mussolini would have won by a vast majority in most cities in England if he had a catchy slogan and he just upped his fascism a bit.

Working class Tory voter Martin Bishop said: “I know people talk about huim making the train run on time, but he did also kill lots of  people. Which is the kind of attitude that we need to really get Brexit done.

“It’s a worthwhile price to pay to get our bendy bananas back.”

Donna Sheridan, from Bolsover, added: “I wouldn’t have voted for Hitler or Idi Amin. That’s a bit much. But Mussolini would have been fine.”