A COUPLE have bought a puppy so they finally have a legitimate excuse for giving up sex completely.
Nikki and Ben Hollis got their eight-week-old spaniel Luchador in December, and say not only do they no longer make love but they do not even have to feel guilty.
Nikki said: “I’d recommend a puppy to anyone who wants joy, companionship and a total cessation of physical intimacy with their life partner.
“You don’t say as much, of course. First, you attempt sex as normal, but the puppy leaps up on the bed, thinking it’s a kind of fun game that he wants to take part in.
“So, you shut him outside the bedroom door, at which point he wails unnervingly and scrabbles his paws frantically under the door, which kills the mood.
“Finally you discuss slightly desperate alternatives like shutting the puppy in the garden or only doing it when he’s two rooms away, but you know neither of you mean it and there’s a palpable sense of relief.
“Then, you give up and put the kettle on.”