Couple move house to be in catchment area of 'outstanding' Waitrose

A COUPLE have relocated to a smaller house to be in the catchment area of an outstanding Waitrose, they have confirmed. 

Tom and Elise Logan of Aylesbury admit it has been a wrench to leave the house and area they had lived in for 12 years, but say they made the selfless decision for their future.

Elise said: “It’s got the same number of bedrooms as our old place but a much smaller garden and we’re a bathroom down. Still, you have to make sacrifices and no regrets.

“It’s all worth it when we walk out of our front door – it’s walking distance – and see the sheer calibre of grocery shopping we’ve secured for ourselves. It’s not a high street Little Waitrose. It’s a big Waitrose.

“The quality of the other shops and shoppers we mix with has really leaped ahead as well, and that’s important for our long-term development. The contacts you make in these places last you a lifetime.

“Friends say we’re mad to leave the house we loved for somewhere that cost 100k more that’s smaller, but we’ve never been materialistic people.”

She added: “There’s an Aldi as well that we say we use for basics. You have to say that. But we don’t.”

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Britain distracted from troubles by vibrating orange clown

BRITAIN is to spend the next week pleasantly distracted from its ongoing political crisis by watching a touring orange clown. 

Instead of contemplating Tory leadership candidates, looming economic disaster or the state of public services, Britons will be delighted by the vibrating foreign clown and his clown family performing their antics. 

Nathan Muir, from Bedford, said: “Look, the clown’s trying to impress Prince Charles at a garden party by drinking more cups of tea than him.

“Now he’s visiting Westminster Abbey and telling everyone how he’s a better writer than Shakespeare and a better scientist than Isaac Newton.

“The wife clown is one of those mime ones who never says anything, and the daughter’s going to try to run Harrods but get it disastrously wrong. She opens the doors and floods Kensington at 3pm. 

“Now he’s got a bucket stuck on his foot but he’s telling the press he hasn’t. Now he’s fallen down the steps of Windsor Castle and got wedged in a window.”