Couple who always buy real Christmas tree still pretending it's a good idea

A COUPLE who buy a real tree every Christmas are still insisting it is not a ridiculous pain in the arse. 

Tom Booker and Nikki Hollis believe it is better to buy a brand new tree every year, dragging it home and leaving a trail of needles before watching it slowly droop and die for the next month.

Booker said: “It’s just so much more Christmassy to drive to a caravan site, hand over £65 to a man with very angry dogs, cram it into the hatchback, try to get it in the house, take the front door off its hinges and then realise it’s far too big for the house.

“There’s a lovely piney smell, quite like a Glade Sparkling Spruce Plug-In but fresher, and everyone remarks on it. ‘Oh, you’ve got a real tree,’ they say as we smile while standing on either side of it.”

Hollis added: “I can’t imagine getting an artificial tree out of the loft.

“I see them on sale at Asda. I don’t want to be that kind of person.”

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Every airport in world currently hosting World's Most Obnoxious Bastard competition

EVERY airport is currently holding a competition to find the most obnoxious bastard in the world, it has emerged.

Airports across the globe all now have their contenders for the Most Obnoxious Bastard You Could Ever Hope to Encounter 2017, with the finals taking place at Heathrow on December 24.

Scottish contender Bill McKay said: “I have a very important meeting tomorrow morning so if everyone could just accept that my needs are greater than theirs than that would be just fucking peachy.”

English airport prick Martin Bishop said: “I could have you fired for this, you know. I could.

“I once played badminton with the guy who runs Ryanairso all it would take is one phone call and you’re gone.”

Meanwhile American Emma Bradford exclaimed loudly into her phone: “No, it’s an absolute fucking joke and all these people are total fucking morons.

“Give me coffee immediately, even if your job does not involve vending hot drinks.”