Couple's holiday photos are a filthy rotten lie

A COUPLE who posted hundreds of idyllic holiday photos on Facebook actually had a horrific week of blazing rows and food poisoning.

Tom and Kate Logan’s fortnight in Jamaica was mainly spent arguing about their incredibly shit hotel, getting on each other’s nerves and throwing up, none of which is reflected in their holiday snaps.

Friend Nikki Hollis said: “It’s all bollocks. At one point Kate texted to say Tom is a massive cock and they should get divorced, then up pops a picture of them drinking cocktails with massive smiles on their faces.

“I know for a fact they had the shits for three days on the trot and they weren’t speaking for ages because Tom got totally shitfaced one night with some other Brits in a bar with strippers.

“There are about 50 pictures of amazing beaches, but strangely none of the huge, diseased rat they found in their wardrobe.”

However the Logans denied they had misrepresented their holiday in a feeble attempt to show off on Facebook.

Kate said: “Our holiday was perfect in every way, and you can’t prove otherwise.”

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Calzone just f**ked up pizza, admit chefs

CHEFS have finally admitted calzone is just a normal pizza they have bollocksed up.

Professional cooks have revealed they only serve the Italian folded pizza dish because gullible customers think it is ‘rustic’, which makes them all continental and sophisticated.

Chef Martin Bishop said: “Chefs have been passing off calzone as real food because they don’t want to admit they can’t cook a round piece of dough with some stuff sprinkled on top.

“Calzones happen for all sorts of reasons. Last night I dropped a pizza on the floor and it got stuck together. Dough costs money so I just wiped off the mouse droppings and put it in the oven.

“Or maybe you want to increase profits by making pizza with rubbish ingredients like mouldy cheese and Spam. Just make a calzone. What you can’t see won’t hurt you, apart from the food poisoning.

“Restaurants have been passing off their pizza malfunctions as a separate dish for years. I might start calling burnt toast ‘artisanal char-baked focaccia’. Someone’s bound to buy it.”

Restaurant customer Emma Bradford said: “Last night all the plebs were eating normal pizza, but I had a calzone which was really doughy and burnt on the outside. I’m so much better than them.”