Sunday, 26th January 2020

Cyclist shaves three seconds off telling-people-he's-a-cyclist time

A CYCLIST has set a new personal best in how quickly he can tell someone he is into cycling even though they are not interested.

Nathan Muir's previous best was 9.35 seconds, with the new time standing at just 6.28, and took place during a first date with a woman who quickly decided he was a tosser.

Potential partner Joanna Kramer said: "I started to introduce myself, as you do, but before I'd finished he barked 'I left my bike outside' in my face.

“To be honest I'd already guessed he was into cycling because he was wearing full lycra in Pizza Express. If I was in any doubt he kept mentioning cycling throughout the meal. Really dull stuff like routes he goes on with people I don’t know.

"We won’t be seeing each other again. He insisted on drinking his Peroni out of a squeezy water bottle and asked the waiter if they had energy gels."

Clicking the buttons on his GPS watch, Muir confirmed the record, saying: "Not bad. I could have done better but the restaurant was on an incline."