DO YOU live in a crappy little new-build house on an estate full of them? Find out with our quiz:
How close is the ceiling to your head?
A) A good couple of feet away.
B) A mandatory four-and-a-half inches.
How many rooms do you have downstairs?
A) Three – living room, dining room and kitchen.
B) Six – living room, dining room, kitchen, sun room, family room and utility room. Although the last three are all just names for one oddly-shaped room which isn’t even that big.
How identical to your house is the neighbours’ house?
A) Well it’s a semi-detached, so they’re basically mirror images of each other, except they’ve got a conservatory and the previous owners of ours did a loft conversion.
B) It’s a different house to the neighbours, and their neighbours, and their neighbours. But the same five designs are repeated endlessly throughout our 280-house estate, so maybe not that different. I get lost sometimes.
How many bedrooms do you have?
A) Four, but one of them’s only a box room really.
B) Five, but four of them are only box rooms really.
How many en-suite bathrooms do you have?
A) Just the one, in the aforementioned loft conversion.
B) Four. One in the big bedroom and three making already tiny bedrooms small and L-shaped.
How big is your garden?
A) It’s got about the same footprint as the house, so big enough.
B) Very small and triangular. But that hasn’t stopped us putting a trampoline in it, and a sandpit, and a summerhouse, and a garden sofa, and a barbecue area, and a hot tub.
How much parking space do you have?
A) Room for one car on the drive and one on the pavement outside. That’s the problem with these older houses.
B) Absolutely shitloads. Room for four cars on the drive and another two on the road. Well that’s what’s important, isn’t it?
Mostly As: Congratulations, you live in a house larger than a shoebox that doesn’t require a garage conversion and conservatory to be remotely liveable. Draughty though.
Mostly Bs: Congratulations, you live in a shitty little new-build on a shitty little new-build estate. But you wouldn’t want to move to an old house because you wouldn’t know who’s lived there before and it wouldn’t feel clean.