LOOKING to save money on your gas and electricity bills while still getting your rocks off? Penny-pinching pervert Nathan Muir gives his advice.
Go dogging on foot
There’s no greater thrill than parking up in a lay-by in Woking to watch an overweight butcher make love to his wife in a Nissan Qashqai. But do it every night and your petrol costs will spiral. Instead, go by foot – just remember to bring food and warm clothes for the four-hour round trip.
Try energy-conscious role-play
Bringing role-play into the bedroom can be a thrilling experience. Why not adopt the persona of a highly-sexed but deeply energy-conscious person who gets off on turning off all the lights in their house and any appliances on standby? After 20 minutes of erotic build-up – including turning the thermostat right down – you’ll be ready for some hot, but economical, loving.
Stick with local swingers
You may have grown tired of your local swinging scene and looked farther afield to new exotic new places like Birmingham. But it’s costing you a fortune in diesel, so just keep doing it with Kevin and Trisha across the road, even if the sex is underwhelming and their flatulent old cocker spaniel keeps trying to mount you.
Keep warm with BDSM
No need to change your bondage habits massively – just use furry handcuffs for a bit of extra warmth and focus on spanking to increase blood supply and stop your buttocks getting chilly.
Have cold shower sex
Not really a perversion, but do know how much energy it takes to run a power shower for even a minute? Any bonking in the shower should be done with cold water. Yes, it’ll be difficult to remain aroused while being blasted with freezing water but if you manage it you’ll be a real stud.
Downscale the mile-high club
Pricier fuel will make airfares more expensive, so if you loved shagging in the confined shitter of a Ryanair flight, instead recreate the experience in a Portaloo on a local building site. If the builders seem broadminded, ask them to rock the cubicle to simulate turbulence.
