A MOTHER moving to a smaller house is offloading tons of useless shite on her adult children rather than take it to the tip.
Helen Archer, aged 62, no longer wants a broken Dyson, a 1970s fondue set or a series of children’s books by Rolf Harris but believes it would be a terrible shame to throw them away.
She explained: “Since my husband and I decided to trade a home with dangerously spare bedrooms to a bungalow the kids could never move back to, we’ve had to make some hard choices.
“We can’t keep everything. So there are four piles: keep, eBay stroke Vinted, Cancer Research and crap to palm off on the kids. They’ll treasure this VHS of Deep Heat ‘89, this QVC Foot Spa, and this fold-down Z-bed. It’s the original one from the 1970s.”
Son Luke said: “She’s sneaky about it. She’ll say ‘Do you want your Panini football albums?’ knowing they’re of genuine sentimental value, then drop them off with nine metres of garden hose, a ridge tent and a manky old cat carrier. I don’t even have a cat.
“I’m down the tip weekly then come home to Looney Tunes Monopoly, a fan heater, a folder of school certificates, a leather pouffe and a box of Penthouse magazines I thought she’d thrown away when they were confiscated in 1997.
“The worst thing is their new bungalow is still five times bigger than my flat. Stoked about the porn though.”
