UP for a scrap with the lefties, and it’s Easter? Willing to leverage chocolate eggs being in shops into a solid reason for an outburst of anti-Muslim prejudice? Here’s how:
Jesus isn’t on your Creme Egg
Can you believe it? Back in the 90s, you’re pretty sure, each and every egg bore a chocolate bas-relief of the Christian messiah. But you fastidiously licked out all the fondant and he’s not even on the inside. Nor has he spontaneously appeared on any which used to happen all the time back when we didn’t have mosques.
Rabbits are anti-British
Kids may like cute creatures like chicks and bunnies, but where’s the Yorkie bulldog egg? If M&S can make Sunny the Sloth out of chocolate, why not Steve the Spitfire? Rabbits are left-wing because they multiply like crazy, just like immigrants. And yet we encourage children to make felt cards bearing these fluffy freeloaders. This country.
Easter isn’t mentioned enough
The horror! One business has dared to include the words “spring” and “celebrations” in its marketing as well as Easter. Synonyms, or anti-white racism? Everything should have Easter aggressively emblazoned on it in Comic Sans, and heavens forbid you see the word ‘bad’ written anywhere on this special Friday.
The eggs aren’t round anymore
Every child knows that Easter eggs represent the boulder Jesus – who was hench – rolled away from his tomb. That’s not bullshit made up by a vicar, that’s in the actual Bible. Now? Weird shapes, not to disguise shrinkflation, but because they’re non-representative artwork such as recommended by the Prophet Mohammed.
Supermarkets stay open
It’s a true sign of decay in society that while the big Tesco is closed on Easter Sunday, the little one is still allowed to remain open. How can people be expected to nobly contemplate faith, war films, and the rest of our British values when they still have the ability to pop out and buy a meal deal?
Something to do with the National Trust
Egg hunt not suitably reverent? If they are giving out chocolate to kids that’ll rot their teeth, but plastic or wooden ones? Against tradition and nanny-state nonsense. And they should be hunting the eggs with spears, like the Crusaders did. See? There’s always something to have a bash at if you try hard enough.
