Dungarees, and other items of clothing that make your partner want to dump you

DO you think you look arty and cool in your new dungarees? Your partner thinks you look like an embarrassing twat. Here are some other items of clothing likely to end your relationship.

Dungarees

Adults who wear dungarees think they look like edgy creatives, when in fact they resemble monstrously overgrown toddlers who need help taking them off to go to the toilet. Your pair won’t make it through their first outing without your partner suddenly realising how much they fancy your best mate.

Any hat

Unless a hat is needed for practical reasons, eg. working on a building site, they mark out the wearer as an affected twat. A natty little pork pie number doesn’t make you look like Frank Sinatra in Las Vegas, it makes you look like an Olly Murs fan on a very bad day.

Crocs

Most judges would be sympathetic towards Crocs being legal grounds for divorce, so don’t even think about trying to get away with them in front of your spouse. They may be comfortable but they give every wearer the air of a sinister cult leader hell-bent on persuading everyone to drink the Kool-Aid.

A massive scarf

A normal-sized scarf is a sensible winter accessory, but if you find yourself winding something akin to a large woollen tablecloth around your neck, prepare to become single very soon. Especially criminal if you wear one in the summer with sandals and shorts.

Zip-off cargo pants

Unless you are trekking in the Himalayas, there’s absolutely no need for you to be able to quickly turn your trousers into shorts without taking them off. If you do this in the pub or garden centre your partner will probably leave you on the spot, and rightly so.

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Pints actually quite a large amount of drink

A WHOLE pint is actually a rather large quantity of fluid to drink multiple times an evening, it has been confirmed.

Having got used to drinking cans and bottles in the park, Britons returning to the pub are discovering that even a single pint is in fact an excessive amount of beer to knock back.

Pub-goer Ryan Whittaker said: “When the barman used all his strength to plonk down my 568ml drink I thought there must be some mistake. Had he grabbed a massive novelty glass by accident, I wondered. Apparently not.

“I dutifully sipped away, thinking it was probably less intimidating than it looked. But after 20 minutes I was barely halfway through.

“In a desperate attempt to keep up I tried to quickly down the rest, feeling more nauseous and overwhelmed all the time. Finally, I set down my empty glass and the relief crashed over me.

“Then my friend instantly ordered another round and the ordeal started all over again.”