Tuesday, 4th August 2020

Even foetus embarrassed by hideous 'gender reveal party'

A PARTY to reveal the gender of an unborn child is such a horrible, attention-seeking event that even the foetus in question is cringing.

Parents-to-be Emma Bradford and Martin Bishop invited all their family and friends to the occasion because they love to jump on any trendy new bandwagon and like being given free stuff.

The as-yet-unnamed foetus said: “I can tell from in here it’s a totally toe-curling event. I can’t believe these tw*ts are going to be my parents. 

“I’m just so embarrassed by the whole thing. I think I heard Emma saying she wanted everyone to ‘share in this priceless moment of joy’. Pass the f*cking sick bag. 

“I’m just a half-formed human the size of a small potato and I’m cringing. And if they’re milking it now, it looks like my entire life is going to be on Facebook. Thanks a lot, guys.”

Guest Francesca Johnson said: “I’ve just about managed to accept that baby showers have sadly become the norm, but I’m not happy about having to sit through this utter bullsh*t too.

“I don’t care if it’s a girl or a boy. Either way it’s going to be an annoying little bastard that ruins social occasions and is the subject of endless tedious chat for the next 20 years at least.”