A FAMILY who gave in and put the central heating on are horrified to find their house remains too cold for habitation.
Father-of-two Tom Booker last night decided to throw caution to the wind, turn the smart meter to face the wall and crank the heating up to a decadent 19.5ºC, only to find it was still f**king freezing.
He said: “What? Why is it still cold? But the heating!
“Yes, I’ve caved in. Yes, I am weak and decadent and all those other things Vladimir Putin says about the West. Yes, I’m ashamed. But how am I all those things and still not warm?
“The radiators are on. It’s okay when you stand right next to them. But even a few paces away my feet are freezing, and the bigger rooms never heat up at all.
“Is it my fault? Am I being punished for breaking down? Have things got so bad under the Tories that even the laws of thermodynamics no longer apply?”
Wife Sam Booker said: “Maybe we should try putting it up to a balmy 21ºC. And if that doesn’t work, we’ll just accept that we’re dead.”