Friday, 4th December 2020

Feminist not sure she's feminist enough to keep lockdown body hair

A FEMINIST is not sure that she’s feminist enough to keep her lockdown body hair throughout August.

Eleanor Shaw, 32, has been proudly cultivating her leg, armpit and fanny hair during quarantine, but is feeling less confident as the prospect of being around other humans looms.

She said: “I’ve honestly never felt so empowered in my life.

“I’ve spent lockdown really digging deep into my writing sisterhood while and letting my foof look as nature intended – which, it turns out, is seriously luxuriant and a lot like my Uncle Brian in 1978.

“But while I’m overjoyed to be liberated from the shackles of the patriarchal, capitalist system that made me hate myself for profit, can I wear a cossie without at least strimming the edges?

“I’ve got a hen do in Eastbourne next month. Am I really strong enough in my beliefs in matriarchy to swan in there like Piltdown Lady? I fear not.”

Partner Tom Logan said: “I support Ellie’s decision either way. Though I will now struggle to look uncle Brian in the eye ever again.”