Friday, 4th December 2020

Five annoying activities that shouldn't be reintroduced after lockdown

TEDIOUS supposedly-distanced trips out are now allowed after months of lockdown, but what irritating pastimes could we quietly do away with while we have the chance?

Taking children to the shops

If you’ve ever dawdled down a narrow pavement on a busy high street stuck behind a family of five walking at the pace of an injured snail, you’ll be loving the quick efficiency of lockdown shopping. Let’s stick with sending out one adult and leaving the kids at home, forever.

Open mic nights

Once pubs reopen it would be nice never to accidentally sit through three hours of untalented people singing terrible covers of Ed Sheeran songs or unveiling their fledgling stand-up acts. Pubs can go back to basics as places that aren’t your house where you can get shitfaced.

Going to the gym

If this lockdown has proved anything, it’s that you don’t need to go and pose around in a gym wearing something that is too small to legitimately be called a vest to be fit. Keep exercising on your own, where no one has to look at your red, sweaty face.

Hen and stag dos

Does anyone actually enjoy these occasions, which basically involve drinking until you nearly go blind and having a fight with your best man? End them now and no unsuspecting town or city centre will be a vomit receptacle for twats in sashes ever again.

Working in an office

You probably already knew you could get your daily tasks done in five hours, but were then obliged to spend another three f**king around sending memes to your colleagues because you weren’t allowed to go home. Now everyone knows the truth, you don’t ever have to go back.