VEGANUARY over? Back on the booze? Looking to enliven lockdown by setting yourself a fresh challenge? Put these on the calendar:
Fibuary
Be an influencer for the month by uploading at least 12 pictures a day documenting your fictitious celebrity lifestyle. Artfully Photoshop yourself into Amalfi views, private jets and bank vaults full of gold even though you live in a two-bed terrace in Oswaldtwistle and eat beans on toast four nights a week.
Hatepril
Spend a month as an internet troll, hurling abuse at strangers and celebrities alike from burner accounts on social media. By indulging the darkest and most loathesome side of your nature, you’ll purge yourself and enter May with a spring-cleaned soul.
Reptember
There’s only one thing fitness bores love more than keeping fit: banging on about it. In Reptember tell everyone, even complete strangers, every piece of gym equipment you used each day, how many reps and what weight. Either that or spend a month living as a reptile.
Audicember
All Audi drivers are eligible to take part in this. You have to go the whole month of December without once using your indicators and never driving further than two feet from the car ahead. Participation levels usually hit around 98 per cent.
Ginuary
Still in lockdown this time next year? Skip Dry January and instead try a different flavoured gin each day, beginning pleasantly with raspberry and vanilla and descending to the filthy depths of Fisherman’s Friend and peyote. Often precedes a Dry February.
