Friday, 4th December 2020

Getting pissed in the park on cider making a comeback

GETTING blind drunk with a mate on a freezing cold park bench is now the best thing to do at the weekend thanks to lockdown.

Adults who have not got pissed outside in winter since the 90s are now spending Friday and Saturday evenings on their local playing field with bottles of cheap cider.

Lucy Parry, 42, said: “Last night I caned two litres of White Lightning on the swings, had a piss behind a bush and puked on the roundabout. It was bloody brilliant.

“Tonight, I’m meeting another friend at the bus shelter where we’ll share a bottle of neat Archers and a packet of B&H. Our husbands will turn up later and we’ll probably play a game of spin the bottle.

“It’s fun, but the only problem is we have to sneak in past our kids so they don’t see that we’re shitfaced.

“My 10-year-old asked me if I’d been smoking the other night. I forgot to take some Impulse body spray to cover up the smell. Rookie error.

“He made me ground myself for a week.”